Hello! This is my first time posting. I am so glad to have found this board so I know I'm not alone.
Ok, so this one is a little complicated... He and I have been together for almost four years. I say "have been together" because although we officially broke up over the summer, we still have been involved with each other this entire time. As in physically, emotionally involved. Sleeping together, saying I love you, hanging out with each others friends and family, etc. doing everything together. Everything. It's been nice in a lot of ways, because the stress of the relationship has waned, and we can just enjoy each others company and focus on that, but then there's his depression...
We had a tumultuous relationship at times, and I have my own anxiety and co-dependency issues that I've been receiving treatment for over the last few years. I'm far from cured, but I am much better off than I was previously. However, he has never, ever received any kind of help for his depression and anxiety. And it's only getting worse.
Where do I start? He suffered horrible abuse as a child and never told anyone about it, until he told me after we broke up. He drinks way too much. Hs coping mechanism for everything is to run away. He can barely stand to face even the smallest kind of problem. We have no communication, and I have resortd to trying to interpret his feelings, asking questions, and begging for answers. (After recently realizing how bad this has gotten, I've done some research, as well as spoken to my therapist, and I can promise I will no longer be taking this course of action, but again, I have my own anxiety, bear with me) he won't answer his phone for days on end, and he shuts me out completely, and when this happens I feel like a child that is being punished. Especially considering that during these times he'll still hang out with his friends and just pretend I don't exist. It kills me. I of course do not make the situation better by forcing myself on him. But again, I'm working on this.
My real problem is that I am the only person he has told about his depression. As a matter of fact, I am the only person he has told a lot of things. I love him more than I can express, and I have never for a second doubted that he loves me. We are truly each other's best friends, and when he's not in a depressive episode, we have the time of our lives together. I only want the best for him, but he refuses to get help. Absolutely refuses. Won't see a therapist, join a support group, or even do research on the Internet. I have told him endlessly how much I love him, how I plan on sticking around and helping him through this, and how he's my favorite person in the world and there's nothing I would ever judge him for. But he makes it difficult. He's told me he can't handle a relationship and feels like he's just going to hurt me, and it's for my own good, etc. but knowing him, and knowing how terribly difficult for him it must have been to come clean in the first place (most of these things I've mentioned, and even more, I've only found out about within the last few months) I just feel like I would be the worst person on earth if I left him. I also feel like this could be fixed. I know it could. But he doesn't, not yet.
I guess what I'm really asking is, does he want my help, deep down? Does he want me to stay, even though he's tried to push me away as much as he has? Is there anyone who might be able to help me figure out what's going on inside his head? I've tried leaving, but it never works. He always comes back and tells me exactly what's going on with him, and how bad it is, then I tell him everything is going to be ok. And he lets me comfort him. Then things are great for a month or so. Then we do it all over again. At this point I'm going to either drag him into a therapist's office myself, or just throw the bastard off a bridge. I can't decide. But it's pretty obvious that I'm not able to leave him at the moment.
Ok, so this one is a little complicated... He and I have been together for almost four years. I say "have been together" because although we officially broke up over the summer, we still have been involved with each other this entire time. As in physically, emotionally involved. Sleeping together, saying I love you, hanging out with each others friends and family, etc. doing everything together. Everything. It's been nice in a lot of ways, because the stress of the relationship has waned, and we can just enjoy each others company and focus on that, but then there's his depression...
We had a tumultuous relationship at times, and I have my own anxiety and co-dependency issues that I've been receiving treatment for over the last few years. I'm far from cured, but I am much better off than I was previously. However, he has never, ever received any kind of help for his depression and anxiety. And it's only getting worse.
Where do I start? He suffered horrible abuse as a child and never told anyone about it, until he told me after we broke up. He drinks way too much. Hs coping mechanism for everything is to run away. He can barely stand to face even the smallest kind of problem. We have no communication, and I have resortd to trying to interpret his feelings, asking questions, and begging for answers. (After recently realizing how bad this has gotten, I've done some research, as well as spoken to my therapist, and I can promise I will no longer be taking this course of action, but again, I have my own anxiety, bear with me) he won't answer his phone for days on end, and he shuts me out completely, and when this happens I feel like a child that is being punished. Especially considering that during these times he'll still hang out with his friends and just pretend I don't exist. It kills me. I of course do not make the situation better by forcing myself on him. But again, I'm working on this.
My real problem is that I am the only person he has told about his depression. As a matter of fact, I am the only person he has told a lot of things. I love him more than I can express, and I have never for a second doubted that he loves me. We are truly each other's best friends, and when he's not in a depressive episode, we have the time of our lives together. I only want the best for him, but he refuses to get help. Absolutely refuses. Won't see a therapist, join a support group, or even do research on the Internet. I have told him endlessly how much I love him, how I plan on sticking around and helping him through this, and how he's my favorite person in the world and there's nothing I would ever judge him for. But he makes it difficult. He's told me he can't handle a relationship and feels like he's just going to hurt me, and it's for my own good, etc. but knowing him, and knowing how terribly difficult for him it must have been to come clean in the first place (most of these things I've mentioned, and even more, I've only found out about within the last few months) I just feel like I would be the worst person on earth if I left him. I also feel like this could be fixed. I know it could. But he doesn't, not yet.
I guess what I'm really asking is, does he want my help, deep down? Does he want me to stay, even though he's tried to push me away as much as he has? Is there anyone who might be able to help me figure out what's going on inside his head? I've tried leaving, but it never works. He always comes back and tells me exactly what's going on with him, and how bad it is, then I tell him everything is going to be ok. And he lets me comfort him. Then things are great for a month or so. Then we do it all over again. At this point I'm going to either drag him into a therapist's office myself, or just throw the bastard off a bridge. I can't decide. But it's pretty obvious that I'm not able to leave him at the moment.




