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Jan 14 13 7:14 AM
Jan 14 13 7:16 AM
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Jan 14 13 7:33 AM
proptart wrote:I don't know about the rest of the women on this site, but I'm not always strong. Trust me, I have my days,But what I'm starting to get smarter about it....I'm in love with a memory. I don't even recognize my husband any more. His attempt to be a stranger with me, for him to "be left alone" is starting to work. I'm doing the work of understanding his illness, reading books, giving him his space, .....but then there's the flip side of me no longer having a husband who is willing to even consider our marriage, who runs away, who's secretive and argumentative and treats like me i shot his grandmother or something. And I'm falling on the cross trying to understand someone who treats me with complete and utter contempt? Tough to do.What i am finding the hardest to get my head round is that when DSO and i were in each others company,he NEVER once snapped at me or lost his rag,and he has never blamed me for any of this,he was always the most lovely ,patient,thoughtful guy i have ever met.There were several times when i really needed him and he was there for me.We were fine the day before he broke it off,spoke on the phone/texted.I just can't get my head round this Some of you girls say that being with someone depressed totally took away your self esteem,but since i met him my self esteem was through the roof,literally,no-one has ever made me feel the way he does,and never will.The only times i felt anxious was when he didn't reply to some texts and i didn't know what he was thinking,which in turn affected my sleeping pattern.
Posts: 1062
Jan 14 13 8:39 AM
To Everyone:
Geez I feel like I am home with my 3 sisters….. talking about:
1. How men suck
2. How men make stupid decisions
3. And , Oh Wrong way can you get us some sangria…thanks
4. Oh….also don’t do those things that those other men are doing…or we’ll kill ya….
This is probably why I’m so messed up. j/k
-Wrong way
Jan 14 13 9:25 AM
Jan 14 13 10:05 AM
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Jan 14 13 12:50 PM
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Jan 14 13 12:56 PM
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Jan 14 13 3:16 PM
Jan 14 13 3:34 PM
alicea wrote: WW is coming along to our mani/pedi appointment. They have what's called gentleman's mani/pedi just for you. Errrrr…you can drp me off at the strip club…errrrr…I mean best buy!!!! …. In my case, I don't think my xdbf will come back especially because I know he feels a lot of guilt over how it went down. He won't even have the courage to apologize, let alone come back to reclaim the relationship. He will want to just sweep it under the rug, hoping that he does better next time, with someone new. Then his past will come to haunt him. I know this all too well. Whether it's the D or not, he has emotional issues that he refuses to face. I recognize it and wish he would too, acknowledge it, and wish he would choose to become emotionally healthier person...but he is far from it. Unfortunately it IS his choice and no matter how much I love him, I cannot change his decision. Really what I feel right now is...what a waste. Waste of love and waste of time. Can you tell that I am bitter? That is not bitterness. That is the beginning of self empowerment.
alicea wrote:
WW is coming along to our mani/pedi appointment. They have what's called gentleman's mani/pedi just for you. Errrrr…you can drp me off at the strip club…errrrr…I mean best buy!!!! …. In my case, I don't think my xdbf will come back especially because I know he feels a lot of guilt over how it went down. He won't even have the courage to apologize, let alone come back to reclaim the relationship. He will want to just sweep it under the rug, hoping that he does better next time, with someone new. Then his past will come to haunt him. I know this all too well. Whether it's the D or not, he has emotional issues that he refuses to face. I recognize it and wish he would too, acknowledge it, and wish he would choose to become emotionally healthier person...but he is far from it. Unfortunately it IS his choice and no matter how much I love him, I cannot change his decision. Really what I feel right now is...what a waste. Waste of love and waste of time. Can you tell that I am bitter? That is not bitterness. That is the beginning of self empowerment.
Jan 15 13 11:31 AM
Posts: 2252
Jan 15 13 1:54 PM
Jan 15 13 2:17 PM
Jan 15 13 2:34 PM
alicea wrote: WW, what did you mean by "the past will come to haunt him"? Could you elaborate based? Will he become aware of his patterns? If he does, will he try to change his pattern? Will he remember that I was everything he wanted and he failed to recognize it? I mean, I am hoping for the last statement, but I am just fantasizing. I just hope that at some point he will remember the good as well as, instead of just the bad. I know right now he is thinking how much work it was for him to be in a relationship with me. I think he felt that way not because of what I did, but because of his D. But he doesn't see it that way, so I feel blamed for his unhappiness and the reason why he wanted to leave. Alicea, I am referring more to the fact that he may not realize that he is being an @ssh0le. I remember being really rude to a previous girlfriend, and just left her without even a breakup. (yes I was going the wrong way again.) It was 4 years later that I realized how horrible I was. This had nothing to do with my depression. It had everything to do with the fact I was an @ssh0le. It is possible that his depression is making him unaware of his poor decision-making skills. I just remember how horrible I felt once I realized my mistake. I called the ex and apologized. 4 years too late. The DSO will feel bad only if he/she has a conscience.
WW, what did you mean by "the past will come to haunt him"? Could you elaborate based? Will he become aware of his patterns? If he does, will he try to change his pattern? Will he remember that I was everything he wanted and he failed to recognize it? I mean, I am hoping for the last statement, but I am just fantasizing. I just hope that at some point he will remember the good as well as, instead of just the bad. I know right now he is thinking how much work it was for him to be in a relationship with me. I think he felt that way not because of what I did, but because of his D. But he doesn't see it that way, so I feel blamed for his unhappiness and the reason why he wanted to leave.
Alicea,
I am referring more to the fact that he may not realize that he is being an @ssh0le. I remember being really rude to a previous girlfriend, and just left her without even a breakup. (yes I was going the wrong way again.) It was 4 years later that I realized how horrible I was. This had nothing to do with my depression. It had everything to do with the fact I was an @ssh0le.
It is possible that his depression is making him unaware of his poor decision-making skills. I just remember how horrible I felt once I realized my mistake. I called the ex and apologized. 4 years too late. The DSO will feel bad only if he/she has a conscience.
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