R, you are not the man I thought I married. That loving, committed, loyal husband is gone. In your place is this stranger and if I didn't know better, I'd say an alien has taken over your mind and body. And R -this alien isn't very nice. This new alien R is cold and selfish, manipulative and controlling. This alien doesn't care about what I think or feel, and is hell-bent on destroying our marriage and our dreams together. I have heard this alien's rationalizations, distortions and lies, and what scares me most is that you believe everything he is saying. It's hard to understand what this alien's altered reality is like, let alone hear him justify that the weather on his planet is fine and this is the way it should be. Alien R also has an agenda- He wants to retain the upper hand and stay in control of our relationship. By keeping me emotionally distraught and off balance, he feels better about himself and what he is doing. My emotional ups and downs or feeble attempts to save my marriage confirm to him that divorce is the only option. I mean who would want to be with a pathetic basket case like me?
I've also been witness to alien R's attempt at the "let's be friends" approach to divorce. Alien R sadly admits that he doesn't love me anymore, and the marriage has to end, but that's no reason we can't remain friends. Alien R wants me to agree that we both tried, but our marriage simply didn't make it. If I just play along, and be a real sport about all of this, it would be best, and we could be buddies. Wouldn't that be me legitimizing the divorce? Seriously?
But what remains clear to me is that you and your alien alias want out of this marriage. You have told me in a variety of ways, - "I need space," "I need to find myself," "I love you like a sister," "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," "I don't love you the way a spouse should." and the classic, " You deserve better than me." To me, all of these marriage-ending statements are cop-outs, rationalizations and outright lies - not to mention plain old insulting and stupid. The problem is, you actually believe all of this crap, which makes it even harder for me to hear them.
If divorce is the only option that is viable to you, then I guess I have to just accept it. I don't mind divorcing Alien R. He gives nothing and cares nothing about me and will only cause me pain. I am very sad about divorcing my R. I miss R very much, and especially the R that loved and spoiled me during our courtship. I am willing to try and save the marriage with R because I value, love and adore him. But Alien R has taken you over, and I am not going to have a relationship with him.




