Hello
I have been reading and reading on this forum for some time now and I have read Anne's books - this has almost saved my sanity. Thank you!
I met my SO 2.5 years ago. He had all the signs of depression: he had insomnia, didn't eat properly and was always complaing of aches and pains. However, his mother was terminally ill and passed away 2 months after we met so I thought that was understandable as he was grieving. However after about 6 months I started to notice just how negative he was about everything. He was angry with everything and everyone and argued constantly with his family,he said his whole life had been **** and everyone was to blame for everything. I listened, I tried to be sympathetic and supportive (having been recently bereaved myself). Then the verbal attacks on me started. I was miss perfect, I was a flirt, the clothes i wore were wrong, I spent to much time with friends, I wasn't sociable enough, I waa vegetarian, I liked going out to restaurants, I had a job (he is unemployed), I had my own house.
He could be so loving and caring but these snide comments would keep coming out. Stupidly I would try to defend myself, explain, justify - I know, silly me! Then he refused to do anything with me. He wouldn't come to my house, wouldn't socialise with me but accused me of abandoning him if I went out on my own with my family or friends. At the same time he started to go out with his friend every Sunday night and made it quite clear I wasn't welcome - not that I could go anyway as I have work on Monday so tend to have an early night. Obviously we started to argue constantly It was as if anything that was important to me or that I wanted to do he would deliberately refuse to do. I felt like I was being punished. For what? Having family, friends, a job and a house. He knew that when I met him. Why did he now hate me for that?
Fast forward to one month ago. It was my birthday and we had arranged to go out during the day to an antiques fair together and then have something to eat with my mum and flatmate in a pub - the only place that he likes to go to. We would have gone somewhere else but I chose that place as I know he likes it. He was in a foul mood all day and when I asked him if anything was wrong I got the usual reply. Nothing, just drop it My mum paid for the meal and when she went to the toilet he told me and my flatmate that he didn't even want to ******* be there. He refused to continue onto a bar for an birthday drink with us and stormed off. That evening I had a bad fall outside my house and ended up in hospital with a fractured cheekbone and other facial injuries. I was knocked unconcious. When I came round I called him. His reaction shook me to the core - rather than showing sympathy he accused me of being a cheat and a liar and basically said I had been with another guy who must of hit me. I am an absolute wreck. I can't understand why he is treating me this way. I have been off work since my fall due to the facial injuries and have constant anxiety. I have been on ADs for many years for anxiety and these have been increased to the maximum dose. He keeps texting me switching from nice to nasty so I initiated no contact on Monday as I just can't take it any more. I am a mess.
Where do you draw the line between depression and abusive behaviour? Should I try to be supportive or walk away?
I have been reading and reading on this forum for some time now and I have read Anne's books - this has almost saved my sanity. Thank you!
I met my SO 2.5 years ago. He had all the signs of depression: he had insomnia, didn't eat properly and was always complaing of aches and pains. However, his mother was terminally ill and passed away 2 months after we met so I thought that was understandable as he was grieving. However after about 6 months I started to notice just how negative he was about everything. He was angry with everything and everyone and argued constantly with his family,he said his whole life had been **** and everyone was to blame for everything. I listened, I tried to be sympathetic and supportive (having been recently bereaved myself). Then the verbal attacks on me started. I was miss perfect, I was a flirt, the clothes i wore were wrong, I spent to much time with friends, I wasn't sociable enough, I waa vegetarian, I liked going out to restaurants, I had a job (he is unemployed), I had my own house.
He could be so loving and caring but these snide comments would keep coming out. Stupidly I would try to defend myself, explain, justify - I know, silly me! Then he refused to do anything with me. He wouldn't come to my house, wouldn't socialise with me but accused me of abandoning him if I went out on my own with my family or friends. At the same time he started to go out with his friend every Sunday night and made it quite clear I wasn't welcome - not that I could go anyway as I have work on Monday so tend to have an early night. Obviously we started to argue constantly It was as if anything that was important to me or that I wanted to do he would deliberately refuse to do. I felt like I was being punished. For what? Having family, friends, a job and a house. He knew that when I met him. Why did he now hate me for that?
Fast forward to one month ago. It was my birthday and we had arranged to go out during the day to an antiques fair together and then have something to eat with my mum and flatmate in a pub - the only place that he likes to go to. We would have gone somewhere else but I chose that place as I know he likes it. He was in a foul mood all day and when I asked him if anything was wrong I got the usual reply. Nothing, just drop it My mum paid for the meal and when she went to the toilet he told me and my flatmate that he didn't even want to ******* be there. He refused to continue onto a bar for an birthday drink with us and stormed off. That evening I had a bad fall outside my house and ended up in hospital with a fractured cheekbone and other facial injuries. I was knocked unconcious. When I came round I called him. His reaction shook me to the core - rather than showing sympathy he accused me of being a cheat and a liar and basically said I had been with another guy who must of hit me. I am an absolute wreck. I can't understand why he is treating me this way. I have been off work since my fall due to the facial injuries and have constant anxiety. I have been on ADs for many years for anxiety and these have been increased to the maximum dose. He keeps texting me switching from nice to nasty so I initiated no contact on Monday as I just can't take it any more. I am a mess.
Where do you draw the line between depression and abusive behaviour? Should I try to be supportive or walk away?




