Just thought I'd check in. I've been in holiday, and it was exhausting. Yes, I managed some good moments with my friends but it was so tiring pretending that I was happy. Being solo with 2 couples, also magnified the intensity of missing him. I couldn't help but think how much better if he was there, or how I much prefer how our relationship is (depression aside). I cried myself to sleep every night, and one of the only comforts was that I would read the board every night and check in on everyone. It is horrible to know that so many people have to go though this (and we all experience the same things, to varying degrees, there is a thread) but it also makes me not feel so alone. Sometimes I think that I am crazy.
He is in holiday at the moment, and even though we were always going on separate holidays due to different friendship commitments and timings, it has made me so jealous and resentful. Normally, in the secure relationship I had, with someone who gave regular positive contact with me, it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest and I would have happily gone on my trip. Now, I'm angry. Why is it easy for him to ignore me, go on a beach holiday with his group of friends, make an effort with them who don't know, and they get the fun. I care the most, know everything, offer the support and love, and am treated like I don't exist. Oh, I know how it goes ... but it is drawing thin. I called him once while I was away, and got ignored. I sent him a lovely text to say to have a relaxing trip and remember he is with friends who love him. I then didn't contact him. A few days later he sends me a picture and tells me of a medical problem that has happened. I of course respond, no reply, phone was off and non responding. I find out through a mutual friend that his phone was stolen. He'd bothered to contact others but not me. I eventually get a one line, emotionless response. The best he could do was 'Hope you're well'.
How has everything come to this? It hurts like hell to know that he is in 'party town', beach side, being mr charismatic with his friends, and I get that. It would be better not to get a reply. It makes me feel worthless. It took all my strength not to shoot off a nasty reply. I just didn't want to make him feel worse on holiday, and knew it would all be addressed eventually. Nothing would be achieved but it ... perhaps momentary satisfaction for myself.
I'm tired of being the emotional punching bag. I know this question is asked countless times over, but deep down I know that he knows that how he is treating me is poor. He was raised well, has impeccable manners with others, yet it is like I've become poison. Surely even with depression, he chooses to treat me this way and should in some way be accountable for his behaviour? I can't continue to support or be his friend if he continues to ignore me and essentially be rude. It just hurts too much, especially when you love them. I would never pose it as an ultimatum, but is it fair to set some boundaries on his behaviour towards me if we continue on this path? He has my full support, as a friend or girlfriend, but I expect to be treated like I actually exist. It's hard to work out what I'd prefer ... to know that I'm the one he trusts, or be the friend for whom he puts on an act. Sometimes I wish for the act - just once - so I can remember and feel what it was before all of this.
He is in holiday at the moment, and even though we were always going on separate holidays due to different friendship commitments and timings, it has made me so jealous and resentful. Normally, in the secure relationship I had, with someone who gave regular positive contact with me, it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest and I would have happily gone on my trip. Now, I'm angry. Why is it easy for him to ignore me, go on a beach holiday with his group of friends, make an effort with them who don't know, and they get the fun. I care the most, know everything, offer the support and love, and am treated like I don't exist. Oh, I know how it goes ... but it is drawing thin. I called him once while I was away, and got ignored. I sent him a lovely text to say to have a relaxing trip and remember he is with friends who love him. I then didn't contact him. A few days later he sends me a picture and tells me of a medical problem that has happened. I of course respond, no reply, phone was off and non responding. I find out through a mutual friend that his phone was stolen. He'd bothered to contact others but not me. I eventually get a one line, emotionless response. The best he could do was 'Hope you're well'.
How has everything come to this? It hurts like hell to know that he is in 'party town', beach side, being mr charismatic with his friends, and I get that. It would be better not to get a reply. It makes me feel worthless. It took all my strength not to shoot off a nasty reply. I just didn't want to make him feel worse on holiday, and knew it would all be addressed eventually. Nothing would be achieved but it ... perhaps momentary satisfaction for myself.
I'm tired of being the emotional punching bag. I know this question is asked countless times over, but deep down I know that he knows that how he is treating me is poor. He was raised well, has impeccable manners with others, yet it is like I've become poison. Surely even with depression, he chooses to treat me this way and should in some way be accountable for his behaviour? I can't continue to support or be his friend if he continues to ignore me and essentially be rude. It just hurts too much, especially when you love them. I would never pose it as an ultimatum, but is it fair to set some boundaries on his behaviour towards me if we continue on this path? He has my full support, as a friend or girlfriend, but I expect to be treated like I actually exist. It's hard to work out what I'd prefer ... to know that I'm the one he trusts, or be the friend for whom he puts on an act. Sometimes I wish for the act - just once - so I can remember and feel what it was before all of this.




