Let me first apologise if I don't make much sense. I'm a total emotional mess right now and find it hard to express myself.
A little of my background I guess, I'm 26 years old, a father of 2(5yo girl, 1yo boy), married the love of my life and the most important thing in it 6 years ago, been a soldier in the U.S. Army for 6 years as well. I consider myself an extremely resilient person and because of that I think it's why I'm struggling now. Ok, on with the issue.
My wife is now in the hospital after a failed suicide attempt and I know she is not getting better. About a month ago I was away for a training exercise and my wife slept with 2 different men she met on craigslist. That alone was incredibly devastating but I love her so much I am trying to forgive and forget. I could not stop thinking about it and was constantly a emotional mix of anger, sadness, love, and hate. She continued to do suspicious things and I wanted to just leave it alone because I know she is depressed and it would just cause problems but I couldn't help but question her. She told me she was so sorry for hurting me and she would never do it again but surprise surprise the next day I found out she was still texting with other men. She is now telling me she wants to be with me but wants to be able to sleep with other men, I told her that I can't do that and she said ok but now that I know she still wants to see other men I don't know if I will ever be able to trust her again(I want to so badly). One day I asked her about a guy she was still talking about and instead of an apology she got mad and left. She was gone all night and was texting me that she would rather die than to have to look at me, she was disgusted by even seeing my name on her phone. After all the suicidal texts I had her get picked up by an ambulance and she was taken to the hospital. She stayed there for 8 days and on her release papers it said she had made great progress and was doing great. While in the hospital she met a man who was also suicidal and they became friends. The day she was released she began texting this guy which made me so incredibly sad and with every text she sent and received my heart slowed until I thought I was going to die right there. I love her so much I let her talk with him trying my best to trust her and show her support. After about 12 days of this I got anger and we started fighting. She immediately pulled out her phone and started texting this guy friend of hers, I asked to see her phone and she reluctantly gave it to me. The texts the they we exchanging since the day she got out was about how they should run away together and about the best ways they could kill themselves. This finally broke me and I reached and extreme level of stage 4. That night she tried to kill herself. She is now in the hospital again and I don't think she is getting better. When she was out of the hospital the first time she was also getting and saving pictures of other men to her phone which my daughter found yesterday. I asked her about today and she flipped out and told me never to visit her again and she told the her DR. that he is not allowed to talk to me about anything. I can feel myself losing it and I'm killing myself trying to not reach stage 5. I love her so much but every faults like every ounce of support I give her I also lose and ounce of myself. I want to be happy and be a good father but I also want to help my wife and beat this illness. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I'm exhausted from reading about the illness and what I can do to help. I think I've slept about 7 hours since she when to the hospital. She went there Monday, it's now Saturday :-(
A little of my background I guess, I'm 26 years old, a father of 2(5yo girl, 1yo boy), married the love of my life and the most important thing in it 6 years ago, been a soldier in the U.S. Army for 6 years as well. I consider myself an extremely resilient person and because of that I think it's why I'm struggling now. Ok, on with the issue.
My wife is now in the hospital after a failed suicide attempt and I know she is not getting better. About a month ago I was away for a training exercise and my wife slept with 2 different men she met on craigslist. That alone was incredibly devastating but I love her so much I am trying to forgive and forget. I could not stop thinking about it and was constantly a emotional mix of anger, sadness, love, and hate. She continued to do suspicious things and I wanted to just leave it alone because I know she is depressed and it would just cause problems but I couldn't help but question her. She told me she was so sorry for hurting me and she would never do it again but surprise surprise the next day I found out she was still texting with other men. She is now telling me she wants to be with me but wants to be able to sleep with other men, I told her that I can't do that and she said ok but now that I know she still wants to see other men I don't know if I will ever be able to trust her again(I want to so badly). One day I asked her about a guy she was still talking about and instead of an apology she got mad and left. She was gone all night and was texting me that she would rather die than to have to look at me, she was disgusted by even seeing my name on her phone. After all the suicidal texts I had her get picked up by an ambulance and she was taken to the hospital. She stayed there for 8 days and on her release papers it said she had made great progress and was doing great. While in the hospital she met a man who was also suicidal and they became friends. The day she was released she began texting this guy which made me so incredibly sad and with every text she sent and received my heart slowed until I thought I was going to die right there. I love her so much I let her talk with him trying my best to trust her and show her support. After about 12 days of this I got anger and we started fighting. She immediately pulled out her phone and started texting this guy friend of hers, I asked to see her phone and she reluctantly gave it to me. The texts the they we exchanging since the day she got out was about how they should run away together and about the best ways they could kill themselves. This finally broke me and I reached and extreme level of stage 4. That night she tried to kill herself. She is now in the hospital again and I don't think she is getting better. When she was out of the hospital the first time she was also getting and saving pictures of other men to her phone which my daughter found yesterday. I asked her about today and she flipped out and told me never to visit her again and she told the her DR. that he is not allowed to talk to me about anything. I can feel myself losing it and I'm killing myself trying to not reach stage 5. I love her so much but every faults like every ounce of support I give her I also lose and ounce of myself. I want to be happy and be a good father but I also want to help my wife and beat this illness. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I'm exhausted from reading about the illness and what I can do to help. I think I've slept about 7 hours since she when to the hospital. She went there Monday, it's now Saturday :-(




