I have been seeing someone for the past.. well I have known him for over three years but its been mainly the past two years weve been together. Its long distance right now, so that already makes things complicated. This last year and a half or more, he's slowly become more and more depressed. It's been really taking its toll on me though this last 6 months. Ive become so angry with him. And I have these moments where I can't hold it in anymore and i verbally lash out at him. He's distant. When I try to talk to him, even just about regular things, it seems so difficult. I try to not take it personally but it's hard to not feel like it IS personal.
He has these days (though it seems less and less) where he will be really sweet to me, and though he's never "bad" to me, some days I can tell he doesn't want me around, doesn't want to talk. And I have tried to get him to tell me what he needs from me, if he wants to end things. He says he doesn't know, but then he usually follows that up with "But I know I don't want to lose you" He says he loves me, but it is hard for me to believe it when he seems to not want to have anything to do with me. I know he feels guilty, I know his self esteem is going down the drain. He says he doesn't deserve me. And all my female friends tell me to just move on. The problem with that, is that I can't just drop someone I love like that because they are going through a bad time. I don't want to give up on him yet. He fits me like no one else has, and he has even told me that no one understands him the way I do somehow.
He has started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago. I am really hopeful that that will help. But in the mean time I need to know what I can do to keep myself from feeling so much anger. If there are some little tricks anyone does when they are starting to feel like the one they love most, doesn't love them back. His words tell me one thing, but his actions scream at me the opposite. I need something to help me with my sadness and anger that has risen out of this while I wait for the therapy to start to help him. I know that our relationship is too much for him right now. There is a book.. The Little Prince. In that book there is a boy, and he has this rose he takes care of.. and someone once said to me that my boy is like the Little Prince. He has this burden of making this rose happy, and it's a difficult task, but one that he wants to be able to carry out. So now sometimes my boy says I am his little flower. And that yes, I am a burden, but an adorable one. And I can just tell in those moments, that yeah, he does love me. And I want to be able to hang on and to fight for what we have until he can get better and as he said it himself "becomes the man I deserve".
Ive tried talking to friends, but I also don't want to give them details about what is going on with his depression (he has OCD as well). And he's a very private person and I know he wouldn't much care for that. I can't afford therapy, So I found this place in a search. My friends don't understand what he is going through. They just see a man that isn't making me happy right now, and who doesn't want to put forth the effort for me (or that is how they see it. I know he wants to, it's just a matter of him not being able to give what he doesn't have) So I am hoping that I can talk to someone here, someone that understands, someone that can help me know how to deal with his distancing himself off and someone who can help me learn to deal with my own anger and sadness that has been building up. I have never loved a man the way I love him, and I want to fight for what he and I have. So any help, It's greatly appreciated.
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He has these days (though it seems less and less) where he will be really sweet to me, and though he's never "bad" to me, some days I can tell he doesn't want me around, doesn't want to talk. And I have tried to get him to tell me what he needs from me, if he wants to end things. He says he doesn't know, but then he usually follows that up with "But I know I don't want to lose you" He says he loves me, but it is hard for me to believe it when he seems to not want to have anything to do with me. I know he feels guilty, I know his self esteem is going down the drain. He says he doesn't deserve me. And all my female friends tell me to just move on. The problem with that, is that I can't just drop someone I love like that because they are going through a bad time. I don't want to give up on him yet. He fits me like no one else has, and he has even told me that no one understands him the way I do somehow.
He has started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago. I am really hopeful that that will help. But in the mean time I need to know what I can do to keep myself from feeling so much anger. If there are some little tricks anyone does when they are starting to feel like the one they love most, doesn't love them back. His words tell me one thing, but his actions scream at me the opposite. I need something to help me with my sadness and anger that has risen out of this while I wait for the therapy to start to help him. I know that our relationship is too much for him right now. There is a book.. The Little Prince. In that book there is a boy, and he has this rose he takes care of.. and someone once said to me that my boy is like the Little Prince. He has this burden of making this rose happy, and it's a difficult task, but one that he wants to be able to carry out. So now sometimes my boy says I am his little flower. And that yes, I am a burden, but an adorable one. And I can just tell in those moments, that yeah, he does love me. And I want to be able to hang on and to fight for what we have until he can get better and as he said it himself "becomes the man I deserve".
Ive tried talking to friends, but I also don't want to give them details about what is going on with his depression (he has OCD as well). And he's a very private person and I know he wouldn't much care for that. I can't afford therapy, So I found this place in a search. My friends don't understand what he is going through. They just see a man that isn't making me happy right now, and who doesn't want to put forth the effort for me (or that is how they see it. I know he wants to, it's just a matter of him not being able to give what he doesn't have) So I am hoping that I can talk to someone here, someone that understands, someone that can help me know how to deal with his distancing himself off and someone who can help me learn to deal with my own anger and sadness that has been building up. I have never loved a man the way I love him, and I want to fight for what he and I have. So any help, It's greatly appreciated.
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